Saturday, December 2, 2017

2017 to 2018 worse or best!

Well, here comes 2017 after 3 years of hardship at University, my life get worse. I take up PGCE course which is so hard, well hard is an understatement to be honest.

Great 2017 has made my life miserable and now what is up to 2018? I do not think it can take anything away from me, because I got nothing left in me. Muhahaha

Well, lets just say 2017 has been a worse year for me, I am not hoping any best for 2018 anyways.

My placement at college is not that great I studied Finance and Accounting while I get to teach Marketing, good luck with that one!

Looks like a loop of circle of misery sucks me deep inside every year. Well 2017 beats it all. I ended up getting 2:1, PGCE admission, figured out that my sisters hate me, got worse and worse over a period now we are not talking to each other. I live with my partner whose mother is chasing me with her gun every opportunity she gets to strike me down. On top of that I have weight issues, I am putting on weight so easily sizing to my stress. I was size 10, then between 10 to 12. Now I wont even fit into size 12 in just over a year! I go to gym at least three days a week. Well, it get worse, I have fibroid and suffer from pain. I am loosing lot of hair and got black eyes already.

It will come a day where I do not have to deal with lots of problems together.
Now  life is challenging me to keep my head up facing all these challenges and still keep going.
Yes, I am going no matter what life throws at me. I am just a soldier who is following instructions given by my instructor. I have no control over my life, but all I tell myself is just live another day tomorrow might be better. I am still awaiting for tomorrow. Everything passes nothing stays permanent, it is just a matter of time. It can be 10 years from now or 20 years from now. 

Sunday, March 24, 2013

Will-power or human development?

What's human development?
All human beings can have two commendable aspirations.
One is worldly prosperity  and well being. Second is  spiritual illumination and freedom. Of these both righteousness is said to be the basis crumbles down sooner than feared due to internal haemorrhage, so to say.
Of course, with spiritual illumination one cannot think of being righteous.

Worldly prosperity is not directed and subordinated to and utilised for attaining spiritual illumination, it becomes self destructive. However it's is not logical development through empty stomach like fasting or extensive prayers or giving away sleep, punishing oneself is no good for any religion.

Who doesn't want success in life?
Whatever maybe our under takings in the direction of worldly prosperity or spiritual illumination, none of is likes to fail. We all want to succeed, we all desire it will be noticed in various spheres of life, truly successful people are only handful. Many are those who attain only moderate degree of success, and many more just fail.

There will be various factors in the stories of successful people and failures of life. The degree of person's success in life is commensurate with the degree of will-power they have attained. Will-power is most important fundamental issue of everyone's life. It should be the part of our education from our childhood to be trained in developing the will-power instead of carrying loads of book to the school, struggling hard to maintain being topper for the class, most of the children of this generation grow up under stress to be able to impress their teachers, parents, sibling and friends. Without will-power education remains largely ineffective.

What is this education? Is it book-learning? Doing lot of assignments, home works, project work, following a rhythmic flow followed at the school? Is it diverse knowledge?
The training by which expression of will  brought under control and become fruitful is called education. Education as a result of which the will being continuously choked by force through generation is now well-nigh killed out. Is that education which sways even the old ideas, new ones are disappearing one by one; is education which is slowly making man a machine? I think education spoiled me, I do not know who am I, what am I, what do I want? I am so confused and trying my best to practice will-power at my mid-age.

Unfortunately we have not learnt how to develop will-power early in life, we should do so at any stage of life because self-improvement is almost impossible without voluntary or involuntary exercise.
Consider these three cases of modern history. When Lincoln was alone with history in the White House in those dark days of civil war, what would have happened to the Union but for his powerful will to save it? Consider how the will-power of Winston Churchill played the decisive role in the Second World War. What would have happened to the England and Europe now enjoying prosperity but for the man's will who said he had nothing else to offer but blood, sweat and tears? Consider the effect of will-power of Gandhiji, for all the people in the world who in their own lands were rules by colonial powers?

Many of them once in bad shape and afterwards were found to rise from shambles in a spectacular  manner.
 Given the will-power people makes everything out of nothing as it were. In the absence of the will-power, all their talents, qualities and endowments come to nothing..nothing.

Tuesday, June 26, 2012

Character Constant

Its said that character can achieve everything! I was inspired about this topic when I visited Ramakrishna ashram and picked up handful of books in the ultimate sale they were offering!

Its said that there are several disciplines for building character which can be knowingly cultivated
when I was reading these tiny books, I was totally inspired and kept me going for couple of days!
For self development one needs to put in continuous effort to make it work.

Granted enough character, our friends will be more powerful than our enemies, peace more than war, healing more than killing. Granted enough character, our trains will run on time :) factories will produce more goods than expected, fields will yield more crop than expected. Granted enough character, our dams will hold floods, our bridges

Tuesday, December 21, 2010


When there is a severe storm, birds with small wings are caught up in it, but large birds with strong wings fly upwards and save themselves from becoming victims of the storm.
On the basis of this phenomenon, there is a saying in the English language: “Big birds of the storm.” This applies to people of high thinking, to those who can save themselves from the environmental storm. That is, they can live on their own without becoming affected by the external world.
Who are the ‘big birds’ of the storm? They are the ‘big bird thinkers’, who can live independently, drawing on their own mental resources. Big bird thinkers are those who do not become angry even when provoked. They are those who maintain their positivity even in negative situations, who can control their thoughts in such a way that they can see all men and women as human beings, whether friends or foes, and who can keep the peace even if others turn violent.
‘Big bird thinkers’ are those who are so mature that nothing can distract them from their objectives, who give well-considered responses when in adverse situations, rather than simply indulging in an emotional backlash.

There is a saying in Hindi “Kutte bhonkte rehte hain aur hathi chalta rehta hai’’– the elephant walks on without being disturbed by barking dogs. This is the best illustration of one who has the capacity for ‘big bird thinking’. Life is full of storms, full of barking, full of untoward situations – these things are due to the laws of nature and no one is in a position to abolish the laws of nature. So, you have only two options: either to waste your time and energy by constantly stooping to reactionary behaviour or to ignore all undesirable situations and try to live like the elephant in the adage. Elephant-style living is the only successful way to live in this world.

‘Big bird thinking’ is only another name for spiritual thinking. Spirituality is not something mysterious: it is positive thinking. All spiritual people are positive thinkers and all positive thinkers are spiritual in nature. Spirituality and positive thinking are almost synonymous with each other. They never react to the situation, pretty much have control over the situation and very well composed about their reaction... Totally contradictory behavior for Newtons third law...for every action there is equal and opposite reaction, they prove this theory wrong :)

There is a beautiful story in Hindu mythology: Once a man became furious and he kicked Ram in the chest. Ram’s response was quite unique. He said: ‘‘Mere lokhan seene se tumhare komal paunwen ko chot to nahi lagi?”– I hope your soft leg was not hurt by my iron chest.
Spiritual behaviour is friendly behaviour towards every human being -- to both friends and foes alike. Spiritual behaviour is like the behaviour of flowers that can live with all their fragrance in the neighbourhood of thorns.

Spirituality is good for the allround development of the individual’s personality, for it makes you free of tension and friendly towards all. Spirituality is the way to all kind of success. Positive thinking makes you a ‘big bird thinker’ and ‘big bird thinking’ imbues the human character with spirituality. Although this is an inner quality, it is this inner quality that has the power to better all your external affairs.

Monday, September 6, 2010

Just to Rap!!

Tonight is really quite and calm, gazing into deep sky...hardly any stars twinkling due to heavy cloudy clustering....
Insects buzzing around making hauting sound and  hushing air trying to hiss something in your ears.... as my windows are open and can smell scented flowers from small garden at back yard, gets my nurturing time to time.... I love this climate, not too hot and not too chill... nice breeze which makes you feel like wrapping duppatta around you and circling like old Hindi movies :)))))

Its almost mid - night now... Just wanted to share
how nice it feels...
how nice it feels...
when you are singing song tapping your heals....
My heart if full of praise
You can give a rise
I would like to have a rice
with bread, butter and fries

Monday, January 18, 2010

Stairs...DownStairs :)

I had a heart throbbing experience :) I would love to share it in my blog:) I work between 12 PM -9PM, later they changed my time to 11.30 AM to 8.30PM, since the building gets isolated after 8.30 PM

I work in the Government Building and we are at 19th floor, I restrict using the name of our building, since its one of the popular building in Bangalore, by the way lift stops working at sharp 9 PM , if you slip taking a look at your watch before 9 and don't wind up and pack your bags, you have to take stairs from19th floors with no lights :-)

I was one amonst  many I guess to take stairs, whistling or hummina an usual song to keep your mind occupied. I slipped on running away at sharp 9 PM and thought anyways I missed the lift, rammed my mind focussing to complete my tasks started winding up closer to 10 PM. I said good bye to few of my colleagues who just started working in the night shift at 9PM teasing them to be up all night whilst I get back partying and started towards the stairs. I just turn back to take a look at company logo at the main entrance,  it was shimmering......and went close to take a look at it and it seemed to be alright hanging in there... I thought my eyes were stressed.. probably.

I started tapping my heels on the stairs, like a tap dancer :) as my heels breaking sharp noise....I started humming a song Zombie...Its in your mind....zombie...aah hoo...aah..hooo......I started feeling exhausted as the stair never seemed to be ending at all,....when I saw last was 14th floor.....I came to 13th floor, that floor was a kind of smelling if its not dusted for ages...painted in rusted blue and 13 floor painted in BOLD RED! and I thought of devils number, smirked looking at it and started down...and I completed 13th and next is suppose to be 12th right!!nahh...its 13 again!! i got confused same floor, same color and same rusty stomach started felling sick.....I brushed my hair and rubbed my eyes as If I am dreaming and started going down again....its same floor 13 again... I started running and its 13 again....looks like 13th floor is never ending!!! its almost 6 times....and I dont seem to be coming out of 13th floor...Like somebody programmed and kept me in loop at 13th floor.... started climbing that I go back to work...and again I go to 13th floor.....I was lil panicked and started dialling office number... network is dead....I felt like trapped....

I heard weird whispers coming close to me with loud breath.....I started singing aloud and started chanting hanuman chalis....closed my eyes and started getting down the stairs...I was totally trapped...and i gathered little courage and stood on 13th floor and opened the glass, to seek for someone help....I could see popular Mall opposite, all lights are off and I check the time in my watch its struck at 10 PM and entire city seems to be sleeping.....I was confused as what NEXT and I started walking towards the lift and luckily I hear my office boy whistle and there he joins me and says madam its 12 PM what are you doing here? I was startled with no answer.

My heart halted for while, I skipped a heart beat and did not bother to explain him anything, I just cooked up story that I got call and went on for long !! we started conversing and there you go!! I was on ground floor, I ensured that he stays with me till I start my bike which was parked in the basement, dropped him till the gate, city was really lively on Friday night....It was christmas eve and entire city was like bright and lights everywhere. I could not believe my own eyes!! I am not sure when I looked through the window from floor...No light and pitch dark, was there power cut that time? NO CLUE! Did I fell asleep and started dreaming while walking!! NO CLUE, did the 13 floor really repeated many times...NO CLUE :)

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

From The Speaking Tree

Is there a God – or not?

Whether i say ‘yes’ or ‘no’, it does not get you any closer to reality.
You believe there is God or you believe there is no God, you just believe something that you do not know. The problem is just this – you are unwilling to see that you actually do not know. Belief essentially means that you are assuming something that you do not know.
If you do not even know where Creation begins and where it ends, how do you know where the
Creator is? If you do not even know the nature of yourself, how do you know the nature of the Creator? You just believe something that you have been culturally conditioned to believe. Believing and disbelieving are fundamentally not different; it is just believing in a positive way or believing in a negative way. This will not get us any closer to reality.

Belief systems started because you do not have any logical explanation for the nature of Creation, its extent, magnitude and magnificence. So, a simple child-like answer is, somebody is sitting up there and doing it. Because you are human, you think God is a big man.
We have assumed unnecessary significance about our existence here. Certain belief systems hold that the human being is created in the image of God. Such ideas have made humans show disregard for every other life form.

Until the Middle Ages, people were made to believe that the Earth was the centre of the universe, the most important place in existence. Later, scientists found that the Earth is not the centre of the universe, it is not even the centre of the solar system. Now we know that the solar system might
eventually cease to exist. Compared to the cosmos, it will just be atiny empty space; nothing will be missed. So we should not assume too much importance to our existence. Existence is not humancentric – life and Creation is happening in more dimensions and ways than you can imagine. If you are experiencing only the physicality of Creation, you will not know the significance of life.

The very source of physical creation is also within you. Your body is created from inside, so is your mind. If you begin to experience yourself as the Creator, the very source of Creation, you will live your life mag
ically. And then you are the centre of the universe. You can either exist here as just a piece of Creation, as just a bundle of flesh and bones, or you can exist here as the very Creator. This is the choice every human being has. The choice is yours because Creation and Creator both are right here, within you. There is Creation; obviously something created it – you as a person did not create it. Since your experience is always from the context of who you are, accordingly, you try to create images of the Creator. If you see these images as stepping stones for a higher possibility, it is perfectly OK.

You are alive, you are conscious. If you long to know and experience, now is the best time, not upon your deathbed. If you strive to transcend the limitations of the physical, the maker of the physical cannot be missed.
If your experience of life remains on the surface, you exist as a piece of Creation. Move to the core and you become the very source of Creation.